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Top 100+ Mark Twain Quotes

Mark Twain Quotes

Mark Twain Quotes

The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.

The secret to getting ahead is getting started.

Never argue with stupid people, they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.

Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.

The man who does not read has no advantage over the man who cannot read.

Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.

Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

Sanity and happiness are an impossible combination.

Write what you know.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

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Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.

Never tell the truth to people who are not worthy of it.

If voting made any difference they wouldn’t let us do it.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Books are for people who wish they were somewhere else.

Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

Good friends, good books, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one’s lifetime.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

A clear conscience is the sure sign of a bad memory.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

I’ve lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.

Write without pay until somebody offers to pay.

I have found out that there ain;t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.

Loyalty to country always. Loyalty to government, when it deserves it.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.

In a good bookroom you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

When I was a boy of , my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be , I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I;ve done it thousands of times.

In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.

It’s better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubt.

It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.

Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and starting on the first one.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

Just because you’re taught that something’s right and everyone believes it’s right, it don’t make it right.

History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well.

The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

A man’s character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you’re busy interrupting.

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

When angry, count four. When very angry, swear.

Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

There was never yet an uninteresting life. Such a thing is an impossibility. Inside of the dullest exterior there is a drama, a comedy, and a tragedy.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.

Nature knows no indecencies; man invents them.

In the beginning of a change the patriot is a scarce man, and brave, and hated and scorned. When his cause succeeds, the timid join him, for then it costs nothing to be a patriot.

A gentleman is someone who knows how to play the banjo and doesn’t.

A successful book is not made of what is in it, but what is left out of it.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them have never happened.

Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.

Life does not consist mainly, or even largely, of facts or happenings. It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts that is forever flowing through one’s head.

The man who is a pessimist before knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little.

It’s easy to make friends, but hard to get rid of them.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

My books are water; those of the great geniuses is wine. Everybody drinks water.

Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are pliable.

If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any

It usually takes me two or three days to prepare an impromptu speech.

When I am king they shall not have bread and shelter only, but also teachings out of books, for a full belly is little worth where the mind is starved.

Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

Human beings can be awful cruel to one another.

It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Language is a city to the building of which every human being brought a stone.

One thing at a time, is my motto - and just play that thing for all it is worth, even if it's only two pair and a jack.

Work and play are words used to describe the same thing under differing conditions.

Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.

I dont like to commit myself about heaven and hell you see I have friends in both places.

Loyalty to petrified opinion never yet broke a chain or freed a human soul.

I dont give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

When in doubt tell the truth.

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Our opinions do not really blossom into fruition until we have expressed them to someone else.

When you cannot get a compliment any other way pay yourself one.

Plan for the future because that's where you are going to spend the rest of your life.

Be good and you will be lonesome.

The secret source of humour itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.

Lord save us all from old age and broken health and a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have the man looked honest enough.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

An enemy can partly ruin a man but it takes a good-natured injudicious friend to complete the thing and make it perfect.

People who have heard me sing, say I don't.

The trouble isnt that there are too many fools but that the lightning isnt distributed right.

A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes.

Often the surest way to convey misinformation is to tell the strict truth.

His ignorance covered the whole earth like a blanket and there was hardly a hole in it anywhere.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

Grief can take care of itself but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Man will do many things to get himself loved he will do all things to get himself envied.

I cannot keep from talking even at the risk of being instructive.

The right word may be effective but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

Go and surprise the whole country by doing something right.

Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody is watching.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

Some people are wise, and some are otherwise.

To be good is noble but to teach others how to be good is nobler - and less trouble.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Its not the size of the dog in the fight its the size of the fight in the dog.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I dont know.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you did not do than by the ones you did.

Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

And what is a man without energy? Nothing - nothing at all.

The universal brotherhood of man is our most precious possession.

Eloquence is the essential thing in a speech not information.

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

Denial aint just a river in Egypt.

Few sinners are saved after the fiirst twenty minutes of a sermon.

Its not that Im afraid to die I just dont want to be there when it happens.

What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be - a christian.

Pessimism is only the name that men of weak nerve give to wisdom.

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right.

Most writers regard truth as their most valuable possession, and therefore are most economical in its use.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

All schools all colleges have two great functions to confer and to conceal valuable knowledge.

One learns people through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect.

When we remember we are all mad the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

It is the difference of opinion that makes horse races.

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress.

A human being has a natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs.

Some people get an eduction without going to college the rest get it after they get out.

The secret of success is making your vocation your vacation.

I’ve come loaded with statistics for Ive noticed that a man cant prove anything without statistics.

Dont part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist but you have ceased to live.

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles.. by the ears by the heels or any other way you can manage it.

Talent is useless without training, thank God.

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

A man is accepted into church for what he believes - and turned out for what he knows.

The older I get, the smarter my Dad gets.

I am opposed to millionaires but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

It was wonderful to find America but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

He would come in and say he changed his mind - which was a gilded figure of speech because he didnt have any.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

A classic is a book which people praise and dont read.

The billiard table is better than the doctor.

The rule is perfect in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

There are several good protections against temptations but the surest is cowardice.

It was enough to make a body ashamed of the human race.

How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it.

If you have nothing to say, say nothing.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isnt.

The radical invents the views. When he has worn them out the conservative adopts them.

Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.

Friendship is the marriage of the soul and this marriage is liable to divorce.

Just the omission of Jane Austens books alone would make a fairly good library out of a library that hadn't a book in it.

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Nobody Is Perfect and I am Nobody

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